Thesis: Most people in gender discourse are reacting from unexamined personal history, reinforced by distorted information environments, and then organizing into identity groups instead of pursuing understanding.
My first dealings with the opposite gender, without getting into too many private details, was with my older sister. I simply do not know how she was before I started forming memories at ~3 years old, but after that point is pretty clear. It was clear that I was not welcome in her life. My questions irritated her for being dumb, I guess I lacked common sense. It was a burden on her emotional state of being that I desired to communicate, to receive understanding from others.
What I observed in her was someone ruled by feelings, impulses, and perception. She struggled with anger. I struggled with connecting. Our parents struggled to know what to do about any of that. My sister’s struggle was visible. My struggle was internal.
I learned to survive my sister by silencing myself. I learned early that I can, and will, be bullied if I rub someone the wrong way. I learned to seek answers within myself as much as possible. Only externalizing my curiosity when the confusion or impulse was too strong to contain. There were knock-on effects regarding my social skills. [I sometimes wonder if I learned autism or was born with it and am uncertain if the nature vs nurture debate can ever truly be concluded. These days though my sister is convinced our neurodivergence can be attributed to our father, which she could speak more to than I. My relationship with either of them is tenuous at best, so I can’t even speak to why she seems to imply she is neurodivergent with such statements. I don’t particularly care to ask either, since it doesn’t truly affect me and she resists emotionally bonding with me to this day.]
Throughout my K-12 experience I had a total of 2 friends, or what I consider friends. The friendships did not even exist at the same time, and while I could reach out to either one right now.. we aren’t really friends anymore. Which is to say, I noticed the opposite sex but didn’t really interact with girls, despite my growing interest. Differing interests and social capacities prevented anything meaningful from transpiring.
I had very simplified ideas of gender, that gradually became more complex without me noticing [like a frog in a pot]. I understood girls to be more touchy feely, and boys to be more rambunctious. I understand these things to be socialized predispositions now, and I tie them directly to the Tree of Life.
For the uninitiated, the Tree of Life is a concept seen in Kabbalah and is mentioned in various scriptures and mythology. Depending where you’re coming from you may have different ideas about what it is, but the most important one is the first I mentioned. It is the only one, which I am aware of, that seeks to understand the tree.
This is a very brief overview according to Kabbalah: the tree has 10 spheres, and a 0th. Creation is an emanation from outside the tree (from God/Source) into the tree where that emanated “light” descends the tree from pure potential to become manifest reality. As this light moves through spheres of the tree, that light collects attributes/characteristics according to the sphere it passed through. The tree is divided into three columns and 4 layers or worlds. For the purposes of this post, we care only about the columns.. and only 2 of them. The column representing masculine energy, and the column representing feminine energy. The masculine: wisdom, expansion, action. The Feminine: understanding, boundaries, articulation.
I’ll speak more about the tree later on to integrate certain points and ideas, but for now….
Up to and including GamersGate I didn’t pay too much attention to gendered issues. In fact, I was only passively aware of such issues. I could see issues, but I wasn’t forming opinions or taking sides. The biggest issue I saw up to that point was how dehumanizing rap music was. I am sure I could write an entire essay on that particular topic but I’m gonna keep it surface level. You see, when the most popular culture glorifies meaningless sex and devalues emotion and reflection.. well is anybody actually surprised we are where we are? It’s not as if there is one singular cause and we can put all the blame there, not without tracing the root to a generalized cause such as glorifying meaningless sex. So I’m not blaming rap music.
After GamersGate I spent a brief stint identifying as a feminist, until I came to the realization I was acting like the male equivalent of a “pick-me” along side realizations that many of the talking points were so surface level they failed to even consider systemic differences between the sexes. I really got turned off when I realized modern feminism was literally vilifying men like me based on surface level perception. Furthermore refusing to even acknowledge challenges men face without complaint, or often without awareness because as a group we resist seeing ourselves as victims. Thus naturally the men’s rights movement people were the men most willing to either shit on women, or identify as victims.
The only feminist ideas I still hold onto is the idea of equal rights, equal treatment but via negotiation so that people are treated how they want and how they deserve, and unconscious bias. I will expand a bit on the bias.. though I suspect anybody reading this is already aware of this. I learned this during an ethics class in college, for a group presentation. I don’t recall the university, I want to say Stanford but I obviously don’t care enough to look up the institution responsible for the study, but they performed a study involving resumes for STEM. They swapped names on the exact same resumes and found women to be at a disadvantage. The resume reviewers consistently, on average, perceived women to be less competent. The study found women being selected less frequently with the same qualifications. An unconscious bias was proven, regardless of the reviewer’s gender by the way.
I have long avoided allowing the vitriol from spaces like twitter from reaching my eyes or ears. I intuitively knew paying attention would only disrupt my internal peace, and create a distorted view of reality. At the time, what I failed to realize was that pretty much the entire dating pool was being affected with these distorted views. It has only been very very recently.. we’re talking days to weeks here.. that I have begun to care enough to catch myself up on the insane opinions people are pushing. I want to understand my social environment better you see.
What I’ve come to understand is that things are a bigger mess than I had been assuming. Some of the gender war content I’m not even sure is based on reality. Stories about feminist HR managers implementing policies to curbstomp mansplaining resulting in millions of dollars of lost revenue as men stop explaining anything in meetings. Stories from women who share very unflattering, highly self aware, stories about how they ruined their lives with modern feminist ideology. So granted, the content I’m talking about is geared towards anti-feminists. The thing about them is they seem unrealistic, and very possibly fictitious and generated by AI to feed an echo chamber; the reasons for this perception of mine, least of which is the stories are supposedly from 4chan.
On the other side of things I’ve been seeing insane ideas about taxing single men more past the age of 30 – as a solution to declining birth rates. Bearing witness to a female loneliness epidemic [by the way, acceptance doesn’t happen for like 10 to 15 years so if you’re complaining at 3 years in??! Complaining publicly about it will never help you or the situation you want improved. You’re only generating more karma for others and receiving it back from others. You do you though.] Typically if men talk about how lonely they are they get piled on to made feel worse, as if they deserve what they are feeling because they are simply inherently bad. As such, men know their environment doesn’t support them.. not truly. The flip side seems to show a lot of women thinking their environment helping to soothe how they feel is support, it isn’t.. it is infantilizing themselves. Independence isn’t easy, and anybody who tells you it is, is lying to you and possibly themself.
One of the biggest recent messes I’ve stumbled into is this idea that 62,000,000 men attending rape academies online. Parroted by a lot of people, and originating from a CNN article https://edition.cnn.com/interactive/2026/03/world/expose-rape-assault-online-vis-intl/index.html (fact check https://www.yahoo.com/news/articles/fact-check-cnn-reported-online-000300826.html). When this started reaching me I didn’t read the original article, I looked up fact check articles. I’ve been to the website in question, and I wasn’t there for rape content whether simulated or real I wasn’t there for either. However, looking up the original today I did a quick search of the article for “62” and found it does in fact not say that’s how many people were attending the “rape academy” off site. In reality the number is closer to 1,000 than 62,000,000.
This, I think, is fairly well known at this point…. Although content creators seem to ignore this, because 62 million rapists grabs attention better than a “small” group of 1,000. I even found one woman fully acknowledging that it wasn’t millions of men.. but was still doubling down. She was expressing how men need to understand that women just lost their last safe space they had. My view is that there are no safe spaces, which is part of why I take partner selection so seriously. I thought that was apparent when an Austrian father was found to have chained his daughter down in his basement forcing her to mother children. Or again when a husband was found to have been doing exactly what this CNN story was about. Drugging his wife and inviting hundreds of men to rape her over many years.
Like I said though, I don’t believe in safe spaces. You can curate a space, to make it as safe as possible.. but as soon as another person is involved.. as soon as there is space for you to be observed by others such that you could be stalked home.. You can never really be certain how safe you are, trust is a choice.. and people frequently break trust that another free willed person chooses to give. In my own case, I’m quite thankful God/Spirit prevented me from trying to tie myself to an immature woman while I was myself still immature. I would have willingly sacrificed every part of myself for a relationship in those years, and my partner would have very probably accepted all of my sacrifices and viewed that as love. Then when I had no more to sacrifice, or when I became burnt out and drained, the relationship would have then crumbled whether in a single month or over 20 years, and I would have been left behind as a broken shadow of a man as a result. I would then be all the more willing and capable of performing such vile acts as these men. I doubt I ever could.. but to be frank I can’t be sure cause I understand that if I lived their life.. I would make the same decisions they make. So what experiences become the critical factors in deciding to perform evil acts.
One thing has become clear to me. Which is that I don’t think women, generally, understand how strong male lust is, how seductive the impulse is.. how persuasive it can be. I learned at 13.. I’m not 100% sure most men ever learn. Women can be familiar with receiving that lust, but they have no experience of feeling it.
Another thing I’m noticing, and this is where the Tree of Life comes back in, is that females appear to have an innate ability to understand an internal world, when it is revealed and articulated well enough. Whereas males appear to have the innate ability to understand their environment. I would spend all day trying to elaborate fully on these observations.. to lay out the groups I’m seeing and explore the nuances. Instead I want to point to just a few, and mention some basic ideas. There is a YouTube channel which is actually surprisingly insightful regarding some of these things, branded hoe_math. He does a great job at not moralizing things into right or wrong, and instead just takes a psychological perspective based on his own experiences both successes and failures.
The main groups I want to point to are what I will refer to as fuck-boys, alphas, and strong independent women. The first two groups have an extremely strong affect on the other’s perception of men. Strong independent women are the most likely group of women to be regularly engaging in casual sex.. those two male groups are the groups of men having the most sex. So women having casual sex are exposing themselves, intimately, more often to these men than anyone else. Since these men are just following their base instincts to fuck as much as possible, and succeed greatly at it.. they do not need to choose a woman. Meanwhile the women they are engaging with often want to be chosen by the most “exciting” man they can “connect” with. That’s all I really want to get into on this, or at least as much as I’m willing to defend.
I want to explore a few other things with you now though. Men often hear from women that they need to provide for a woman if they want to be with a woman. Yet, women are also workers in the economy. Perhaps we can try to use pay gaps as an excuse for this expectation, but then we get to the underlying mentality beneath it. Women will ask men what they bring to the table, and in service of equality when asked what they bring to the table may very well say “I am the table”. In fact just yesterday I listened to a woman express that men don’t understand the value of a woman, but that seems to go both ways. She was explaining that if a man does not bring value to her life, if he isn’t willing to pay her bills (she said this)… then she isn’t interested. Later I heard a man tell a story about how his, my words not his, chaotic “whore” (just a label for communicating lifestyle, not a judgement of her – my best friend was a man-whore) of a sister, mother, father, and aunt all ganged up on him to trap him into raising his sister’s 4 children (from three different fathers), a continued pattern of pressured (weaponized shame + guilt) support seeing as he is/was the most stable person in the family. The family was pressuring him to do this so his sister could “focus on her relationship”. His solution was to move from his 3 bedroom apartment into a one bedroom apartment, without telling any of them. He is thriving now by the way.
Meanwhile what you usually hear from men who want relationships is that they really just want to find someone who is kind to them. The decline of partnerships in favor of using people is the loudest thing going on in gendered discussions, whether anybody is naming it as such or not. All you really need to do is listen to couples that have been together for decades to gain the wisdom back. Thankfully my parents, and all my grandparents, and all my aunts and uncles.. they are all good examples of healthy relationships. I think divorces have traumatized people and tainted their perspectives of genders far more than they realize.
Now just because men want something simple like someone who likes them and respects them.. doesn’t mean they are coming at things with a healthy perspective. You see genders are programmed differently by society. Females are programmed to be strong independent women. Men are programmed to be confident, stoic, and self-sacrificing. The only counter balance are couples they observe in their private life – i.e. parents, grandparents, and so on.
I’m not trying to make claims about right or wrong or even offer solutions. I’m just trying to articulate my observations. My core observation: gender discussions are messy and most people aren’t trying to challenge their views… most people are trying to belong to a group. Most people, can’t see their own shadow and think they are shrouded with light and wisdom.. but they never seem to look behind themselves.. at all the bodies in their wake.
We have incels that believe all women are evil succubi that don’t deserve respect. We have most people believing incels are all toxic evil haters. We have men who believe women don’t deserve their respect. Women who believe the same thing. Men’s rights “activists” who refuse to acknowledge the risks and fears women face. Women’s rights “activists” who refuse to acknowledge men face any challenges at all. Men following scripts to get laid. Women following scripts to test men. Then you’ve got the people who are trying to stand in the middle of it all.. and struggling to connect meaningfully with the majority of people due to all the absolute nonsense going on.
If you were ever going to share a post I’ve written, I would encourage it to be this one. Because.. people are not problems to be solved. They are students of life, just like you and me.
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